Wishes, or just wishful thinking?

Tonight at institute I asked myself the question "How would you live if you knew you were going to die?", meaning you had a couple months to spare; Not places you want to go, or life goals you want to accomplish, but how you would change yourself personally to live out your last few weeks here on earth. With only a limited amount of space in my notebook, I wrote these ideas down-some of these actually surprised me:

-Write in journal (more meaningful/beneficial things)
-Don't hold back
-Share my feelings more openly
-Don't leave things out of place
-Breath deeper
-Dance more
-Roll around in the grass at every possible opportunity
-Read everything
-Learn without restraint 
-Talk to everyone

I don't know about you, but the feeling of rolling around in a yard of beautiful grass is so euphoric! When you see the perfectly trimmed grass and you can't help but throw yourself down in it and start rolling around. It's in those moments when I feel most alive and most like...myself. Then dancing? There are very few moments in life when dancing is an inappropriate thing to do; however, that leaves millions upon millions of other superb opportunities to wiggle, shake, and strut your way into pure bliss. 
Now in days I've been so eager to get my room done, and more than anything I believe it's because I like always having something to do. When I have a major project like this, it leaves me with few spare time-if I let it; be that as it may, my life thus far has been spent harboring hours upon hours in the art of lazy. And might I say, IT SUCKS! Sucketh, suckersticious, just....ugh! I crave change so bad I can see the desire trickling out of my very pores. I believe that's why I'm drawn towards geocaching so much. It screams adventure and even though there are millions of caches out there, there is no such thing as repetition in this hobbie-it just doesn't exist. Caches may be similar, but they're never the same.

Just venting.

It's rather relaxing.

I just don't know how long Heavenly Father is going to keep me here on earth, and I don't think it's going to be as long as others are blessed with, so I'm very eager to try and make the most of it. Like most things, this yearning is easier said than done; however, I am most certain it will work out!

P.S. Is it just me, or does it seem like everyone is getting engaged?! Right now I can think of 5 couples who've become engaged. Guess they want to get hitched and get 'er done before the end of the world next year. Eh, makes sense.

Not my makeover

I tell yeah, one of my favorite things to wake up to in the morning is rain. It has the most wonderful sound and attitude about it.

This week there is going to be some major redecorating hours being put into my room. It's going to take on a whole new theme: travel. 

Here's a couple of the big changes:

1. Painting the walls a tanish brown
2. Switching furniture around
3. Creating floating book shelves
4. Adding drapes
5. Throwing some wall decorations up.

Finally going to make this room look put together for one of the first times in our existence here. The colors will be brown with red as an accent color. At least in my head it looks really amazing :) get that idea put into real life and we're golden! I'll be sure to post pictures. Now off to work. Lets hope this wet, sunless day will persuade people not to go out to eat.

I am taken AGAST

I just found out that Shawn is now engaged.
I wasn't expecting to read that, yet it wasn't surprising.
Her name is Ruth.
It's an odd feeling I have right now.
I'm really really happy for him, honestly, but when I think about it my mind feels cluttered in a way. Like it's hard to focus on one thing. My brain literally turns into a girls and it constantly jumping from one thought to another.

" So Hannah, I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to respond to your letter.  I have been really busy.  Most of the time I am at the Ranch, but there has also been a lot going on in St. George during the last while.  About 7 weeks ago I went on a date with a girl named Ruth Janson from my singles ward, and we had such a nice time that we went on more.  After a few weeks we started dating more exclusively.  The last 3 weeks or so it has become more serious, and a few days ago I actually proposed and she said yes!  It happened pretty fast but I feel really good about it. We are both so excited and are planning on getting married toward the end of November. I figured as friends I should let you know. It might make it so we dont write anymore.  I guess you are released from that rain check of playing me in ping pong." 

Isn't it funny how...pattern-esk things happen? You don't hear from someone in a while and it's because they're in a new relationship? Haha, then again, I did that same thing with Malachi when he went into the MTC when Shawn and i started dating. How peculiar...it's more of a patter than I thought!

Anywayz I am quite happy for him.

He was so ready to be married, so of course heavenly father is going to help him with his goals. 

I'm excited to write my congratulations to him, but I have a feeling it will take a long time to write. Haha, wish me luck!

 

Happy Monday :) part 1

Official first day at work analysis? 

Thank goodness I can use the excuse it was my first day as an alibi. 

It wasn't HORRIBLE, but it wasn't fantastic.

 But with no work tomorrow, I'm looking forward to staying up late and enjoying a Hannah Day. Mmmm. 

I really love living in the east :) even now sitting in our family room I can look out the window and see the sun shining it's setting rays onto the leaves of the trees, turning them an exciting bright green; and it's not just one tree, it's many! There are artistic worthy canvases in front of my eyes and no more than 5 feet away. Grrr, curse my inability to paint pretty picutres! lol

Tonight for FHE our branch is going on a scavenger hunt in downtown fredericksburg, needless to say I'm excited :) love that place.

My best friend's mom had her baby today! Welcome to earth baby Lehi-can't wait to meet you.

Marwwage

This past weekend was simple marvelous having the Lowery's with us! Matt and Jaimie got some adorable engagement pictures taken and many important wedding details that could be taken care of were. I can't wait to see who Adam and I are going to marry :) The fact that your family gets to multiply so much is one of the best parts. Sitting in our large recliner just observing my new family working problems out, laughing, and being so comfortable with one another made me so happy! I can't wait till November when we get to be with all our families for a few days witnessing the marriage between two love birds-AHH the thought fills me with so much excitement! Much planning and perhaps a couple more trips between Virginia and Georgia to see each other will need to be prioritized between then and now, but with the powers of Donna and Julie, shoot it'll be done in no time. 

Imagining Matt finally being married will take a while to sink in; it certainly did for Jessica. At least he'll be with Jaimie :) he couldn't have picked a better girl for him.  They're the perfect match.

What was that 3rd wish...

Do you ever want to listen to a love song then while the music is playing

...you start to feel incredible lonely? 

Now that I'm getting older, the desired feeling to be with one man permanently is growing stronger than ever before.

Perhaps this feeling is arising because of all the talk of Matt and Jaimie getting married-it might be a nature effect-heck, it could be a sexual force, who really knows?

It's peculiar...

This thing called "love"

It's simply magic flowing in between two people.   

Mmm...I've always admired magic-so captivating and innocently divine. 

 

Unexpected Affection

I was scared. For some reason I didn't want to kiss him. Sure perhaps a yearish ago i would have...but tonight just seems way too fast. I guess I only would really get into a guy or kiss him if I verbally hear how he feels. Sometimes doing  things without verbal reassurance just doesn't make it feel as real as I do used. If anything driving home i just wanted to run into Shawn's arms. There it's warm and safe. Terribly sad. I was tense the whole way home-I couldn't get home fast enough. I don't know whats going to happen now or if my feelings will change. But as of now I just wanna curl up in bed and just dream away. At least there I have a real chance of being with Shawn. Does that mean I'm not over him? I think I'm just not over the ideal of him: a strong someone you trust you can turn to when things go differently than planned. Oh Garret. I was really not expecting that at all.

Where's my Map?

It's quite a reassurance to know that everyone you meet here on earth you'll also see again in heaven. 

I was just talking to my brother Adam whose about to go off to college, even though my other brother Matt and I just got back. It feels like no time at all has been spent with Adam. 

I was thinking about how so many people wish that they could keep their loved ones around them forever, for the sake of not having to loose them or having to go through an extended amount of time without them. It's something I believe everyone wishes for every now and then.

I wish they didn't have to leave

Why are they moving so far away?

Or the famous, I'm going to lock you up in my closet so I'll never have to let you go!

Which in all honesty sounds like the best thing to do at that time; for the closetee and the one putting them in the closet. However, how long can one truly stay happy being in someone else's closet? 

This topic got me thinking what would it have been like if I hadn't have gone to school in Idaho.

 

A Hopeless Wish

Once upon a time, there was a girl who wished she could experience a fairy tale. But asking for that is nothing short of a miracle. They're hard to come by now-in-days...and for those who do get them is because they're in desperate need of one...why waste a miracle on something such a love...

especially for someone who's never experienced it's beauty before...

To wish for love is like asking for summer in the middle of winter

...meaning whens one heart is as winter,  

It's hard for summer to dwell there. Eventually, they might encounter spring together...but winters not something to be taken lightly-it can be hard to endure and easy to give up while in.

             A wish for a fairy tale...what does she expect? A prince charming to confidently walk up to her and capture her heart? Will he have the power to stop her breath with just once glance? Will his smile be the most beautiful thing she's ever seen? Will his laugh send her into a state of ecstasy? Will his tears cause her world to break down piece by piece...tear by tear...will it be the same for him when he see's her live? This miracle she's wishing for is chimerical..."unreal"..."visionary"..."widely fanciful"...and highly unrealistic. Poor thing. She keeps on wishing on that lone star every night hoping that one day its dull shine will recognize her bright desires. She loves to believe so; however, wishing for a dream and living in a reality are two terribly different things. Some can live in the middle and prosper, but most wither and wilt...wishing their thirsted chap lips would savor the taste of true love. It gleams and glosses like the dew in the spring sunlight.                     

                          So pure...delicious and sweet. Desirable to all...attained by who? The few who are lucky enough to find it. 

                                                      
                        All that wishing will get her somewhere...someday. 

But as for now, she must find contentment sitting in that lonely...dreary tower...dreaming rather than living...poor dear has her eyes glazed over with the illusion of tomorrows possibilities. Each day ends with more heaps of disappointment. Soon enough that disappointment will build up...it will become heavier...it could possibly crush her...it probably will. It will, that is, if she keeper her neck ever strained toward unattainable hopes. It'll stiffen...and before she's even aware of it...she cannot move. 

Dreams of Gold and Moving-to wake up to Green

*Yawn* Ugh when you first wake up it's hard to think of anything good to talk about; however, today's going to be another morning, afternoon, and evening blog day. 
You know something I haven't done in a long time? Writing a letter to myself, and giving a futuristic date in which I can open it. Did that a lot when I was younger, but it's been ages. It's so much fun to! Your in so much anticipation when the open date starts getting closer :] We'll throw that on the list of things to do today.

Happenings to do Today:

1. Write a futuristic letter to me. 

I'm actually really excited about this!

My Mom, Grandy, and I are going to see the movie "The Help" this afternoon. It was a fabulous book, so hopefully the movie will be good as well. It's just...I'm probably going to be getting Shawn's letter today and if I get it before hand I'll be thinking about it's contents throughout the movie (probably), and  if we have to wait till afterwards to get it, I'll be thinking about if it's come and what it says while the movie is playing. Ugh I hope that made sense. 

I just can't imagine him saying anything else he hasn't already said before, so what was the point of sending the letter? That was the reason for that phone call a few weeks before school ended. Makes me wonder if he has anything new to say...

Since it didn't come yesterday I'm all in twitches hoping it'll come today. Then if the mail is slow and it doesn't get here till Monday? I definitely won't like that. Fingers crossed! &O_O&

Carnival Cruise!

Day 1:

Today began our first adventure, carrying three generations of family females, aboard the Carnival Cruise Line the “Inspiration”. 

It all started early this morning (early to some people anyway) with packing, eating the last of food, loading up the car and meeting Emma and Aunt Vicky at their house. It was a lot messier than I remembering it being…Aunt Vicky has been lacking a lot of energy lately, but it was crazy. I swear driving to the dock was one of the most exciting things! Then when you finally can see the top of the ship poking out through the sides of sky scrapers- it’s like a tantalizing dessert staring you in the face…but you have to eat your dinner first. Check in and all that took about 30 minutes, but not at all terrible compared to air ports. Also I believe the fact that we were waiting to get on a cruise rather than a plane made the waiting seem like nothing at all. Once you got your check in complete you just walked onto the boat. The moment on you first stepped on a ship is like nothing you’ll ever experience before. Because it was the first time, you’ll never be able to feel like you did at that time, ever again. You look up and see 5 golden floors going up stories high and secretly 5 levels below are underneath our feet, the colorful lights red, blue, and green are all lite up as if a spotlight was cast on your arrival onto the Inspiration, sunlight is streaming in through the skylight above our heads where you see flags waving and white clouds sailing by, the piano man is playing his comforting music at his baby grand while the bar tenders underneath the elevators are working hard to keep up with the orders of all the oncoming guests. We had to stop by customs to get rooms rearranged- which gave us plenty of time to spin in circles with our jaws hanging wide open admiring the grandeur of the vessel we just boarded.  

We ate lunch (MMM MONGOLIAN) in a packed dining hall filled to the brim with hungry passengers, went to locate our rooms, relaxed for a little while, and then went to explore the ship. Getting yourself situated in a ship this big is a must-plus it reminds me of being a pirate; Locating the booty surrounding each corner. After exploring we had to endure a short security demonstration/briefing, walked up to the top of the ship where they have a mini golf course. While we were up there the ship started to take off, which was perfect because we were on one of the best spots on the ship to look out at the oncoming water we were to intercept. There will always be a breeze when you’re on a cruise ship. Preceding all this, dinner time was closing in. We journeyed back to our rooms where we changed out of flip flops and walked to the Mardi Gras dining area where we had a wonderful meal! All of my dishes were scrumptious; however, some courses my comrades tried where less than splendid. Everything on the menu was only there for one night and changed the next day. I decided on an appetizer of Beef and Barely soup, head of ice burg lettuce salad, had a main course of wonderful lasagna that has spinach in it (Grandy agreed it was the best dish for dinner that evening-if it pleases her, you know it’s good.), then had a dessert consisting of Lime Sherbert and a cheese tasting plate. Yes, we will be obese when we roll off this ship on Monday. 

Then waddling to the Paris…hall? (Also Emma and I got to see a quick watch of break dancers’ show off their moves before the shows started) We got to enjoy and participate in 3 shows: Guess that Movie Star, So you think you know how to dance (Emma and I got to get onstage and was taught moves to the song Single Ladies by a super-hot, super good dancer Charlie from Australia), then watched a game show involving guest being the contestants-they were all fun and quite humorous. We walked to the buffet where we dined on ice cream, frozen yogurt, and pizza-all of which are opened 24/7. Grandy went back to the room and Emma, Aunt Vicky, Mom, and I explored more of the ship we didn’t get to see earlier in the day. Mom and Vicky then went off to bed and Emma and I went back to our room. I was in the mood to blog, so Emma went out exploring (to the singles dance they were having I believe. She brushed her hair then put on deodorant and body spray, so I presume that’s where she went.) I’m about to head to the top of the deck for a slice of pizza and more personal blogging on the top of the ship. We’ve had a wonderful day! More fun and adventures tomorrow, then our excursion in Cozumel, followed by our last full day at sea before arriving back at the port of Tampa 9 o’clock Monday morning. Until tomorrow evening!

Please Read

Men are quite fickle creatures aren't they? They can tear you up from the inside out without even knowing. They can make you soar like when standing on the nose of a boat.They control us with an invisible power most don't know they have.Suspicious huh? They say women are tricky, but I like to believe that men are like spiders. Very gently, they spin a soft, sticky, barely detectable web around us. That's why when we're gone from them we still feel them every once in a while. Their delicate web wont go away in an instant, but slowly over time. We forget about them until we feel the gentle tickle of their memory of our skin. Then after we hurriedly whip the memory off us, we can't help but think of them and all the memories you've spun together. It takes a while for that feeling to go away...but in time it does. Who can say if its fortunate or unfortunate. To some the memories may be harsh and unwelcoming. As to many others, they wish they could hold onto that small, fragile, thin memory-only to dwell in sadness when they see how easily it can disappear. Like a web, a memory of someone can jump suddenly on us, or gently float towards us and caress our skin-leaving a tingly sensation of emotions once felt. That's why a spiders web is in constant repair. We can't live on one set of memories alone, but we must constantly be adding onto what we have. And at times, completely start over. We may loose them, but eventually those threads of memory will come floating back to us once more. That my friend, is where dreams come into play.

Tear Jerking Inspiration

"People who are meant to be together will find their way back to each other. They may take detours, but they’re never lost."

I find this really stupid

Right now, even surrounded by my family, I still feel alone. Throughout our whole trip home Shawn has been taking charge in my thoughts. Which really shouldn't be happening because I know that breaking up was the right thing to do. I guess this dreaming about him has just been due to the fact that we talked on the phone last night, and during this trip I've been the extra wheel: Mom and Dad, Matt and Jaimie, Ross and Jessica. 
Going on adventures was something Shawn and I did every time we were together. He would love all the things we've been doing! Whatever we do; seeing famous landmarks, swimming in local water holes, catching crawdads in a river, or even just sitting in the car driving to our next destination, i feel he would love. It would be so much more fun if he were here with us.
This happens to me every once in a while...i get these really aching longings for him. I can't tell if i miss him because i miss who he is-Shawn, or if i miss just being accompanied by someone who I get along with so well. I severely still want to be friends with him and talk to him about anything and everything...but if these feelings and waves of sadness continue to occur...I don't know if it's going to be possible. However, I suppose being able to remain with him in some way is better than never being able to interact with him again. That would just be awful.

This song always reminds me of him. Probably because our first date we went dancing and he just blew my mind with how good he could dance. Then throughout the time we were dating he would pull me into the kitchen and he'd show me what he learned in his dance class that day. I loved dancing with him.

Yes world, I am a girl.

And I'm missing the only boy who has ever had me.

Midnight Madness

Here's the video of Brynn and I acting like mutton-heads-told you I would post it ;]

Just Kidding

THE STARS!

Talk about land of the beautiful!

These past couple of days my parents and I have been driving from Rexburg to Yellow Stone, then Yellow Stone to Mt.Rushmore. Oh my lordy it is freaking gorgeous out here! We've taken a lot of pictures (will post later) and seen the most amazing sights. 

When in Yellow Stone we saw a grizzly bear, Elk, Buffalo, Prairie Dogs (haha), and unfortunately, no moose :(

On one stretch of road we saw the best sights. Mom and Dad's new camera allows for Panama shots i believe it's called. Got a lot of fields, mountains, and the most awe inspiring sky. Times like these you know there's gotta be a God-that's why i like to thank him for the great views :)

Today our trip through Wyoming started out uneventful; However when i woke up from a nap we were in this amazing canyon! It looked like the grand canyon. It was so cool and so unexpected. That's something we tend to lack out in the east-ever changing landscapes that vary from large valleys to towering, rocky peaks. 

Tonight we got to see Mt.Rushmore :D

Unlike the Statue of Liberty, this monument actually held up to it's pictures. It was so cool! Wish photos could be put up now, but it'll have to wait. I recommend going to see it if you ever get the chance.

More of our cross country journey...maybe tomorrow. It's going to be a long driving day. Then Jessica and Ross on Monday!

It's a Good Awkward Stage Right?

Meaning with Shawn-I feel it's at the transitioning stage of baby uncomfortableness to good friends again. Definitely still planning on writing him that letter; which only leaves me 4ISH days to write and deliver it. Don't judge! It's harder than you think.

 P.S. Miss Brynn makes me laugh into tears! Of which i have shed many tonight.
SHE SO FUNNY!
We're going to be YouTube stars one day...yep...when our video is done ill be sure to put it on here. I hope you like it :) it makes me pee my pants from so many har har's.

Tonight at stadium singing we sang primary songs. It was so wonderful to see grown college kids jumping up in the air to the "Jesus Wants Me For A Sunbeam" and doing all the hand motions for all the interactive songs. I couldn't think of a better way to end the semester :)

I love writing in this color.

It is currently very late in THE MORNING. Yes indeed. I quite like staying up late some evenings. It when the worst and the bad stuff happens, heehee.

Fun times like tonight make me wish the semester was longer. There is less than a week left i have to spend with the wonderful ladies. Got to make it the best!

At the moment I'm rather unsure about what to talk about...

Curses...

THIS IS THE END......for now 0_0

 

Let's Breath in Life Today, yeah?

I have a feeling today won't necessarily be full of incredible activities, but will be full of life. There's a lot of events that have happened so far today that were really unexpected. The nights not over yet, so adventures are still likely to happen, but I'll tell you what little things have happened today :)

~Was texting my mom all morning about their road trip adventures.

~Had a DELICIOUS breakfast of Carly eggs on toast.

~I ran a mile on the tread mill and didn't get completely exhausted! If anything by the end I was running faster! (Ok so it was because I knew if i ran faster I'd be able to get off sooner, but it still counts!)

~Haha I haven't sung in the shower like that since the beginning of winter semester-IT FELT AMAZING! 

~Figured out how to effectively use a hair curler and will use my new found skill to rock it up at church tomorrow.

~Went to my FHE sister Heather's bridal shower. I LOVE bridal showers! They get me so excited to be engaged and married. Plus being there for the soon to be bride is the best. Seeing her so happy and what not. The weather was perfect (it was outside) and the party was filled with many laughs and games. Water balloon catapulting with towels, volleyball, having the engagee's stuff their mouth with bubbalicious bubble gum if they got questions wrong about one another, and not to mention delicious summer food to eat. Mmm...

~Belting out Disney songs with my FHE sisters on the way home from Idaho Falls.

~Got to watch Legally Blond while writing my missionary friends.

~HOW COULD I FORGET! After working out I came in and Brynn said "I think your phone rang. It's the one with the rave music right?" It was mine so i went over and saw that SHAWN had called! I was like what the poo? I called him back and he had called to say thank you for the months we spent together. He told me about the girl i saw him holding hands with. She really liked him apparently and they got into a relationship really fast-which turned out to be a bad thing. They broke up not too much longer agreeing that there wasn't enough time in the semester to really see if it would go anywhere. Not going to lie it made me really glad that he was telling me about her. Put my curiosities to knowledge about what had been going on. We were on the phone for about 30 minutes just talking about things that had been happening in our lives since we broke up and things that we're doing after the semester. It was really really nice. I consider him one of my good friends-and it's just so dang easy to talk to that boy. 

THEN because I asked him to tell me how a dance thing he was in tonight went, he called me again tonight. I was expecting a text. 

That's all that's happened so far today, but I still feel like something is going to happen even though it's almost 11 o'clock. Who knows what it would be! Heck it could be nothing at all. Guess we'll have to wait and find out ;]

True Love

Today the Lord showed me examples of love that I can't deny. Looking back there were quite a few instances. I just don't want to let those memories get lost to life-neither should this feeling of adoration, love, caring, and appreciation be forgotten. 
-My mom  encouraged me to call a dentist office here. My tooth ache has been really severe lately. It keeps me awake at night and is really painful. The office happened to be able to see me tomorrow morning. The problem will be diagnosed faster than I ever thought could happen.
-My friend Tyson said Hi to me in the gym this afternoon. It wasn't much, but I'm glad he didn't just pass me by. I love the moments when old friends come up and say hi to you-it makes your day that much better.
-Walking home from the gym my fhe sister Ashley came out of her apartment to say hi to me. It made me feel so special that she would come out like that just to talk to me. I appreciated it more than she knows (I'll have to tell her).
-Someone cleared out the dishwasher-thank you.
-Using the amazing internet I found a beautiful song that was on a movie. I like it so much I'm considering it for a wedding song.

-Then...the thing that hit me the most today-brought tears to me eyes, was something so simple...something that barely took any effort.

Randomly checking my Facebook this evening I saw that two of my friends had written on my wall. One from one of my friends little sisters which touched my heart, and another from a beautiful girl who was a Laurel when i was a beehive. She talked about how she's watched me grow up into a beautiful young woman...and I'm not sure why but hearing/randomly getting something like that from her...it made me feel so special and unique. I've always looked up to her and what she's become. She went from being a rebel child to being so close to God and the gospel it amazes you. I'm not sure why these wonderful ladies decided to write on my wall-on facebook of all things-but I am so terribly happy that they did. It makes me feel close to people i haven't talked to in ages. People I never would have guessed missed me or thought anything about me. It makes me want to cry with joy! The small simple things people do really can make a difference in our lives- even if only for a moment, better one terrific moment than one felt alone. It made me realize that God is always with us. He knows what we need and sends us angles to make sure some of the small brief moments here on earth are worth while. Thank you so much. Thank you ever so much. I love this life.

Inner Nerd come to Life

WHEN I GET HOME ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I WANT TO DO IS TO PLAY THE LEGEND OF ZELDA AND MARIO 64!

Yes, as you can tell, I am super excited to go home and play video games. Today after church Abbie and I were listening to these Zelda songs and do-bo-de-do-ing along-I loved it! Being a nerd with Abbie is one of the best things ever :)

 I just hope my brothers don't need the 64.