Jumping into the bowl of Bold

       Good Evening ya'll :)

 I just finished rereading one of my favorite books, "North of Beautiful" by Justina Chen Headley. This book has a strong implication of self reliance, motivation, and finding courage to live your life; Not the way other people expect you to live it, but by the way you expect yourself to live-creating a better you and living to do the things that help yourself as well as create happiness. This has been...probably about the fourth time I've read this book, and each time it never fails to disappoint. Once you close all the pages without any book marks wedged in between the folds of the story, you walk away feeling empowered to take on the world.

I envy people a lot. 

  Carol and Rose at work for having such a natural nack to communicate with the customers.

My friends at BYU-I who get to stay and study their desired major there.

This guy I don't even know for being able to complete a physically demanding challenge not many people get to participate in.

The determination that thrives in my best friends for following their dreams and living with unfathomable determination.

At some point I begin to wonder if the choices I'm making, or want to make, are for my actual benefit, or if I'm making them because of selfish and lazy reasons. Where do you draw the line between making a decision for the right reason and making one because you don't want to take on hard responsibility?   

Work.

My new job...I've had more bad days there in 3 weeks than I had in 6 months working at Borders. Every shift I find something else I dislike about it there. Aside from it being a source of income, there are very few good things about it. I only get along well with one co-worker, the shifts completely stress me out (something I'm not accustomed to), I don't understand all the Hispanics that work there, I'm still messing up orders, and I'm just not happy there. From the moment I clock in...no, from the night before, realizing and dreading that I have to work, till the moment I clock out I wish I was somewhere else. It's a place that feels like it's taking away from me rather than helping me to grow. Talk about soul sucking. 

I mentioned to the manager Nick that I might not be cut out for this job after work today, and he's a sensible man when it comes to things that work and things that don't. If I tell him I'm not cut out for the job, he'll understand. Gosh it's so tempting to just call in tomorrow saying this isn't for me and that I quit. 

Every person has their strengths and weaknesses. My co workers are extraordinary! The way they do their work is inspiring, but it's not what I'm cut out for. I wish them the very best along with lots of customers, but I feel this envisioned long term stay will be cut drastically short.

There are tons of people who work well as waitresses, chefs, in fast pass jobs, but in this case I'm not one of them. Why stay at some place when the only person whose benefiting from the job is the bank? My Mom won't be happy, but she'll understand. As will the manager Nick.

Just thinking about not having to go back to work there makes me so happy! Updates will be provided.